Fifty Shades OF Shame Before I begin, please keep in mind that what I am about to write is unlike anything I have written so far. However, I was reading the book, "Fifty Shades OF Grey" and was astonished by what is in there. I call it, "Fifty Shades Of Shame" and what I mean by that is: "shame, shame" on me for reading it. However, I feel compelled to read further and find out what is going to happen next. My friend is already on the second book and I know many people who have read the entire trilogy. I must admit, my book, "Igniton", has a steamy sex scene in it between the main character, Karen Woolsworth and her husband. I can honestly say that I enjoyed writing that chapter. I do believe "sex sells." In this society, every where we turn and look, sex is around us. On billboards, there are many attractive male and female models, half naked and intoxicating. As viewers, we want to see them and as much as we block it out of our subconscious, sex forces its way out and into the eyes of humanity. When we go to a movie (especially a romantic comedy), we want to see the main character fall in love with his/her co-star. This we expect to be followed by a steamy, hot sex scene. I am not a believer in S&M. Frankly, the idea of it makes me sick. It bothers me that the main character, Anastasia Steele, would allow a man to control and dictate her every move, sexually and emotionally. I am only on chapter 10, but can't believe she would agree to some of the things she has agreed to so far. When Christain Grey told her that she needs to avoid snacks during the day except fruit, that completely shocked me. I can understand if Christian Grey was the infamous Bela Karolyi, (gymnastics coach) and Ms. Steele was Nadia Comaneci or Shannon Miller (Olympian Gymnasts). This would make more sense to me if the reason she has to watch what she eats is because of her training, but the reality is ridiculous. I do admit that I was once in a verbally abusive relationship and was told what to eat as well. My ex wanted me to eat one meal a day with him. He also bought me clothes. However, they were not provocative and I did not dress up as his "playboy bunny". Luckily for me I saw the light and left. I can understand a woman becoming submissive to a man; especially a powerful man such as Christian Grey, but how far would one go? One rich, powerful man that reminds me of Mr. Grey asked me on one New Year's Eve to go back to his place with him. As much as I liked him and desired him, I did not go and knew that I had to stick to my feminine pride. As a woman, I strongly believe that each woman has to value herself as a person before loving someone else. She should have the confidence to not use her body as a whip or a demeaning presentation of her self-worth. If the most powerful man in the world, asked her to succumb to his every move and sexual fantasy, she should realize that maybe he is powerful, but not such a prize. "If he could value me as a toy, than he must not value me or himself at all." My message today is to believe in yourself; know that you are wonderful, beautiful, handsome in the most attractive way inside and out. You do not need a Christian Grey to get your kicks. It is ok to read the book because our subconscious is most curious. I will take back what I said before as there is no shame upon us. However, value yourself as a person and as an individual soul walking on this beautiful,mystifying Earth. Breathe and enjoy yourself and know you are someone and something special. :O) "Looking back, you realize that a very special person passed briefly through your life, and that person was you. It is not too late to become that person again." Robert Brault "In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can." Michael Korda "The depth of your belief and the strength of your conviction determines the power of your personality."Brian Tracy “Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend.” Elizabeth Gilbert

A Treacherous Derecho Storm Hi everyone, For those of you who are interested, I started my own account on hubpages which I believe you can rate each article that I write. Feel free to check this out as well. Yesterday, July 26th, I went to visit my friend in Broolyn, NY. We met up with another colleague from our school. However, before my venture to Brooklyn began, my mother called me in the morning, warning me not to go due to a tornado watch that was headed our way. I laughed and told her that it was the most beautiful day. Two hours later, I was sippping a pina colada with my friends and enjoying the warm sun beam down on my face. It was a lovely day. There was no cloud in the sky and I felt very relaxed. We stayed at this restaurant for a while discussing how we all can not wait to retire from education, but don't want to rush into old age either. Later that day,I decided to go with my friend to a temple where we bake a certain bread for those whom are unfortunate and unable to purchase bread for themselves. Some of these people may also be elderly and it is difficult for them to get out and purchase the bread. The bread is called Challah and it is quite devine. We try to do this as often as we could because doing a good deed makes us both feel good. However, we came to the place where we bake the challah. Ironically, the door was locked. The door is usually open welcoming everyone to come in. However, I started to think to myself, does the door being closed symbolize that it is closed for me? Is it a warning that I should just go home? Suddenly, I heard my mother's voice saying, "Go home. A Tornado watch is in effect for the tristate area." I suppressed this warning and waited awhile with my friend. The ladies finally opened the door and we started making the wonderful bread. I told my friend that I would leave at 7:30 just in case a storm was coming. While baking the challah, one of the ladies said out loud, "Ha I would like to see this tornado they are talking about." I silenced her quickly telling her that I don't want any tornadoes to come as I need to drive home. Slowly, I felt a shiver go up my spine as a warning that maybe I should just leave. I avoided the warning and stubbbornly waited until 7:30 to leave. I left and was on my way to Long Island. The Belt Parkway was bumper to bumper. Traffic was moving really slow. All of a sudden, the clouds opened up and the beautiful sky turned into a dark, angry grey color. I then saw lightning shoot across the sky. I knew this could not be good. I was hoping that the cars move faster before the storm hits. However, everyone seemed to move slower than a snail. Then like a gustling waterfaill, the rain began. It was not an ordinary rain. The rain was spiraling all around me in a circular motion. My car started to shake back and forth. I tried to drive as slow and steady as possible as I knew I could any minute lose control. I could not see the white lines on the road indicating my lane. I envisioned my car being lifted into the air and ending up in the land of Oz. As much as I love that movie, I had no intention of visiting. I had the radio on the whole time for comfort. Normally, I sing with the music that I listen to. However, this was serious and could not lose focus, not even for a minute. I drove about 20-30 miles per hour. After an hour and a half, I got home and wanted to kiss the ground. However, I decided not to be too dramatic and run into the house to greet my husband and dog instead. I knew he had been calling me while I was driving out of concern for me. My friend also called a few times to check up on me. However, there was no way I would dare pick up that phone and lose an ounce of concentration. My message today is those who are steady and focused will come out at the end. Concentration is key and remaining calm is most helpful as well. When I got home I found out that this storm was called a "derecho" storm. Ths kind of storm has such strong winds that it can cause damage similar to a volcano. I am copying to show you information on a derecho storm with pictures as well written by Katie Mc Fadden. href="

Goals and Ambitions: I wanted to take the time to clarify why I am writing this blog. It is not to just write about teaching and all of its stress that coincides with it. Although I am a huge advocate for teachers as I have seen so many unjust and unfair occurences witin this field that many faced. I am writing this blog to express myself as a writer. This is the reason why I wrote about Lucky, my dog. That was to emphasize my ability to write a short story. I am doing this blog because I love writing. My good friend who has experience in wrting commented to me that it was a good idea to mention celebrities, but it is not realistic. I agree that it is anything but realistic. It is more like a "Hollywood Fantasy." I don't believe any celebrity will say, "Great idea, Michelle. Let's do a movie together." However, it may be a fantasy, but it is my fantasy. Reality often sets in but if one was to give up on all their dreams then what is the purpose of hope. Hope is to have these dreams and fantasies because you never know. Whatever your dream may be it is important to try, no matter how frustrating it may be to keep your hopes and inspirations afloat rather than quit and have them sink. It is very easy to quit and sink to the bottom of the abyss of life. However in every soul lies a voice of encouragement. I am writing this in order to reinforce my voice. I have sent my query and first chapter to many literary agents and so far have had many rejections. In their letters, they encourage me to continue with my manuscript and it was not a fit for their company. Like I said before with words of discouragement it is very easy to quit and leave your dreams aside. It is easy to give up and walk away or even perhaps run away. However, if I do not try I will never know. The road that may be easier to take for your pride may not be the road to success. The road not taken is the road that one will never know. I guess I am writng this to touch upon everyone that if you have a dream or an idea; don't give up. I do believe in lady luck and when it is her time to come to you and sprinkle her fairy dust across your soul of desires and hopes; she will come and it will happen. In terms of myself, I enjoy writing and love it. When I am writing I have the power to write what ever I feel or want to say. I can create fictitious characters come to life by the power of my pen. You may see that in my future blogs, my writing may deal with many different topics. That is why I wrote in my first blog that I am inviting you to climb aboard the unknown, as you watch me take these steps on my journey in order to become an accomplished author. I viewed my stats from google docs. I just wanted to thank Russia for tuning into my blog. I am from Russian descent and was happy to see many checked out my blog. Thank you Germany as well. It is a great feeling to see others tune in and read what I wrote. The one request I have is that if you would like to post a commet to me, I would love to hear feedback. We could even play a game where you can let me know a topic you may want me to write about. You may want me to create a short story based on a topic of your choice. I would love to do that for you. Even though my goal is to become an author, my goal is to make my readers have a various mix of emotions: hapy sad, mad, frustrated. Please, please don't be afraid to comment. It would make me feel so much better to have feedback from the world. Please jump on and don't be afraid to be a part of my journey. Thank you again for viewing this. Keep in touch! I am posting below a phrase that encourages people to pursue their dreams:

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Hi,  my name is Michelle Arrose.  I hope that you follow me along on my journey as I try to take the steps to make it as a published author.  I am currently an educator.  I love being creative and writing my thoughts and ideas onto paper.  However, I do enjoy writing fiction.  The book that I wrote which I am trying to get published is titled, "Ignition."  It is mainly about a first year school teacher who was given an opportunity to teach in a middle school.  Unknowingly, she was assigned to teach one of the worst classes in the school.   Instead of administration backing her up, she is found to be looked upon as an awful educator with no classroom management.  However, one of her students who happens to be a troubled young man becomes part of her obsession as she starts to fear for her life. The reason I wrote this novella is because one year I was assigned an inclusion class in a middle school.  For those of you who do not know, inclusion means that there are two teachers assigned to a classroom.  One teacher is a special educator and the other is the generalist.  Together, they collaborate and come up with ideas on how to meet the needs of all of the students.  In this type of setting, no one should be able to tell which students are the ones with special needs that have an IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) from the rest of the class.  That year, they took out my co-teacher and all of my students were off the wall.  They would curse at me, scream out loud,, stand on desks.  I was left for most of  the entire year without a co-teacher.  They hired a sub who basically after three days, lost his mind and threw a chair against the chalk board.  He started banging on the chalk board and quit the very next day.  Another lady that was hired as a sub was as good as the students and stood on top of the desk, preaching to them about JESUS and how they better shape up if they one day want to enter the pearly gates of heaven.  The substitute teacher, (SUB) was accused by one of my students that she pushed her.  The student reported it directly to me.  This particular student was a huge trouble maker and was filled with lies.   I did not believe her.  However, since she reported it to me, I know that you have to cover your "tush" in this field and I needed to report the information to my assistant principal, (AP).  If I didn't and the girl reported it to administration, my job would be on the line.  This student also had a nasty mother who would definitely make trouble for me because when I called her mom to let her know what her daughter was up to, she told me that her daughter would never do that.  (Her daughter was an angel from heaven, according to momma).  When I reported the information to my AP, she told me to call the sub from home and let her know that her services were no longer needed.  I felt I was put in such an awkward situation.  I  could not believe I had to fire her.  I told my AP that I felt uncomfortable doing this.  She looked at me and said that I had to.  I then told my AP that I would tell her that another sub that had worked with me in the past was coming back to work full time.  The AP said that she was fine with whatever I wanted to say as long it was done. (Wasn't that kind?)  To this day, I don't know how but I made it through the year.  That was also my tenure year.  My AP was quite spiteful and on my observation, she gave me an S- which is not a true legal score.  A teacher can get an S for a satisfactory lesson, an E for excellence (which no one usually gets) or a U for an unsatisfactory lesson.  At the end of the year, she told me that I needed to step it up.  I could not believe my ears, after the torture of not  having a co-teacher, dealing with students that were emotionally disturbed, being ridiculed by them all year long and this is what I was told. 

I am happy to say that the following year, I was given a different class and there after.   My students were more cognitively low functioning.  They were sweet adorable kids and just needed some TLC.  That AP was as sweet as sugar to me when she saw that I did such a wonderful job the following year.  I am also happy to say that I am no longer at that school and transferred to another school this past year. 

As an educator, I hear many stories from other teachers.  One teacher commented recently to me that one troubled boy in the building threatened to tear off her pantyhose and hurt her.  Other teachers I know were told they would be killed.  Another teacher came out with bruises on their arm.  This is acceptable in education as teachers are not truly protected and no one wants to and wage war against administration as they are fearful for their own jobs.  It hurts me to hear about Kathryn Camille Murray, the teacher from Texas who was accused of sexually assaulting a student, as well as sleeping with a 15 year old in particular.  Some one like that ruins it for us hard working educators.  It saddens me to see that the media always seems to look for the negativity in teachers and follow many stories similar to Kathryn's.  There are many respectable teachers, paraprofessionals, and others that work in this field that care about their students.  There are some situations where they fear for their lives (like my character, Karen Woolsworth, in my manuscript).  When they open their mouths to complain, they are seen as the worst teachers.  I have seen many cases where teachers have to face the emotional abuse everyday from their students and the administrator's abuse as well.  There have been some cases that teachers are accused of sexually assaulting students.  In this particular case, this was further from the truth.  The man accused was in his late 60's and could hardly walk.  However, he was told to leave while his case was reviewed.  The girls that accused him were not happy with their grade.  Someone very close to me worked this year in a school where there was absolutely no management in the building.  Kids ran the asylum.  They did not like this teacher because he wanted them to work.  These kids did not feel that education was necessary and would rather curse and play.  They accused him of pushing them which was further from the truth.  Four other teachers were accused of the same act before he arrived.  He felt it would be better to resign rather than to fight city hall and is working at another school, more at ease.  Teachers today face many injustices.  People tend to focus that they have the summers off so therefore, it is a great job.   However those two months they have off are well deserved.  A wise person once said, "In this field, a teacher is always found guilty before being proven innocent."  I follow these words carefully.  Bless the teachers of the world.

In terms of my book, today most people have to self-publish.  However, that could be very expensive.  Honestly I could not afford that right now with my mortgage and other expenses.  I hope to find an advocate for teachers.  Besides my manuscript being a novel, I truly see it as a screen play.   There are many movies out there that focus on educators entering a tough school with tough kids and they are miraculously able to change them.  It could happen, but most of the time, it is unlikely that it does happen.   I thought of a few advocates, but no luck yet.   I thought Ellen Degeneres would be great as I believe she is very kind hearted and has a tremendous respect for teachers of the world.  Another possibility would be  Tony Danza because he experienced first hand what it can be like to be a teacher through his reality TV show.  Unfortunately, it looks like Tony fell off the face of the earth.  Come on Tony, wake up, I need your help.  People have told me that Robert de Niro is a strong advocate.  I apologize Robert, I don't know much about you but would love your assistance.  Last but not least, I would very much like the assistance of Ashley Judd.  The reason why I say that is because she has a strong voice and is an excellent orator.  I heard that she is a member of the NEA (National Education Association).  When she believes in something, she makes it known to the world.  I commend that.  She also is a published author.   So, Ellen, Tony, Robert, or Ashley, I could use your expertise and assistance.  You never know, Ignition could be up for an Oscar one day.

In terms of myself, I tend to be more on the quiet side.  However, I definitely think I need to change that about myself.   That is why I am trying to write to you today so that you are aware of what teachers face and how they need a voice too.  I do apologize if I seem too pushy but I do have to go after this project as I strongly believe in it and hope you do too.  Please stay tuned so you can follow my steps in order to make my book become a published work.  Also, I will include chapter one from my book in another blog.  Thank you so much for reading this.

07//12 This is a draft of the 1st Chapter which is subject to change.

Prologue

Teaching can be difficult. Meet Karen Woolsworth, a brand new educator who is having tremendous difficulty dealing with her students; especially with one that could destroy her, Kevin Connelly. Find out how Karen is able to cope hrough this enlightening and dramatic text.



This book is unique for its alternate endings. As the plot thickens, be sure to find out all endings and see which one you prefer. Remember the main character, Karen Woolsworth’s fate lies in your hands. Which ending is reality and which one is not?


This book is dedicated to all educators in the world. It is quite difficult and challenging at times to teach the young minds of today. However, it can be quite rewarding and well worth it. Hang in there teachers, and know that you are doing the best that you can do.

Chapter 1

A New Journey

I was so excited. I could not wait to go home and tell Billy, my husband, that all of that hard work paid off.  Two long years of rigorous grad school finally over. Taking all of those teaching exams and suffering for hours with a proctor staring at you, sizing you up while tapping her pencil, and distracting your every thought when you needed to be in control at that time. Well at least that was what I went through when I took the exams in order to become a teacher.

August 24^th, however, was a magical day for me. It is not magical in the sense of wizards and sorcerers, but rather in the sense that I, Karen Woolsworth, landed my first teaching position. The day started out dreary. I woke up to rain. I spilled coffee on one of my suits and had to go with another which was my navy blue suit and white blouse.  It was not my favorite, but it had to do. Actually at that time, I would have called it my lucky suit. However, if you asked me what I thought of it today, I would have to say it is definitely not my lucky suit. In fact, there is a jinx or a possible hex on it.

That morning my dark curly hair stood as frizzy as can be. I felt like a cat, which just had gone through a car wash.   Imagine how he would look? Well, the coffee that spilled, delayed me a bit and I made it to the interview right on time. I raced for my interview as fast as a jaguar. I was lucky that I did not get a speeding ticket. Billy would have been quite upset if I had. I also would have missed the job interview. Oh, what a shame that would have been!  When I arrived at West Street and 9^th Avenue, my nightmare began. There stood a lonely building named  Terezin School. As I walked into the huge, horrific school, I felt so small. It had an odor of fabulous and endearing books which made me feel quite elated. I was in awe of its presence.

I grew up in the suburbs and never went inside of an urban school, so this was quite an adventure for me. I was so excited and nervous. As I walked up three small steps, I was greeted by a man in a blue uniform who was security. I then gave him my driver’s license ( as proof of ID) and signed in.  He told me to turn right at the first door and on the left was the main office. I would then have to meet with the principal. I thanked him and went on my way. I remember my heart was beating so fast and my palms felt so sweaty. It reminded me of a first date, but much worse.

The Principal, Mr. Scott, a tall man with a moustache, asked me lots of questions. He started the interview in a friendly manner by shaking my hand and asked me if I found the school ok. At this point, I remember that his smile turned into more of a serious face as if to say, “Let’s begin.”

He then asked me, “What made me want to go into teaching?” I don’t even remember what I answered him, but he must have been pleased with my response. During the interview, there was another person in the room as well. This person happened to be an assistant principal. She was on the large side with blonde, short, curly, hair. Her glasses hugged her ears tightly. She was the one who asked some really tough questions. She had a poker face on the entire time and did not crack a smile with me. Her name, I will never forget, Ms. Crowe. She reminded me of a shark wearing spectacles staring at a guppy. I guess that you could guess who I was in that scenario: the guppy. I remember Ms. Crowe’s last question was one of the toughest. She questioned me, “How would you prepare your students for the state wide exam?” I must have looked at them dumbfounded. I could not believe this question. I just graduated from my Masters program. I never taught before. I did not know what to say. At that moment in time, a magical thing happened. The principal’s secretary came in and interrupted us saying that he had an urgent call from his wife. He excused himself and told me that I was hired. If I had time to answer the question, I believe that I would not have gotten that job. My life would have been filled with tranquility. He informed me that I would have to teach an eighth grade self- contained class. A self-contained classroom meant that I would have to teach the same children throughout the day. My only hope at this point was that my students would be great and not horrific.

I thanked him and walked out of his tight, stuffy office, leaving him and the shark behind. As I walked out the door, I felt relieved that it was over and my teaching career would begin. I would have to start the following week. I could not wait.

I remember when I was a child, I would watch my mother who was also a teacher come home from work and grade papers. At the dinner table, she would tell my father and me many stories about her students. She would make us all laugh with some of the stories that she shared with us. One thing that I could tell is that she always had so much fun as a teacher. She enjoyed her job and got paid to do it. I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to feel the same sense of accomplishment that she did.

I had a few days off before my journey would begin. I knew I had a lot to do. I went to the teaching store so that I could buy some materials for my classroom. While I was in the store, I felt like a child in a candy shop. There were so many items to choose from! I bought some literacy and math books, as well as some borders for my classroom. I chose some with positive words on them such as: Outstanding, Stupendous, Fabulous, Wonderful, etc. because I had learned in grad school that setting up your classroom in a positive way reflects the learning atmosphere positively, (Yeah right!). From that day on, I went on the Internet and looked for ideas for setting up an eighth grade classroom, as well as lessons that I could use for my first week. That week went by quickly and it was soon time for orientation.

The time had come for me to meet my co-workers and set up my classroom. As I walked into the building, I was once again greeted by the aroma of school books which made me feel so happy to be there. The pale blue walls were quite a calming color which was painted throughout the building. Teachers were told that they must report to the cafeteria where a breakfast would be served for all staff members. When I arrived, most people seemed to know each other. I sat next to a few ladies and a skinny, balding man wearing glasses. He introduced himself to me as Mr. King and asked what I would be teaching. When I told him that I was hired as an eighth grade teacher, he looked at me and said, “Good luck!” When he said these two words, he had a serious look on his face. It then hit me that in a few days I would meet my students.

Some questions started to cross my mind: “What should I say to my students on the first day? What if they hated me? How do I---.” My thoughts were interrupted when I saw a tall man with a moustache come in. It was the man that interviewed me, the Principal, Mr. Scott. He asked all the members of the faculty to introduce themselves. My palms were very sweaty as I said that my name is Karen Woolsworth and that I was going to teach class 814. Everyone gasped and looked at me kind of funny as if they knew what I was getting myself into. However, I had to stop for a second and try my best not to think bad thoughts. After Mr. Scott’s speech, we were dismissed and were sent to our classrooms.

When I opened the door, it seemed like a lonely, big room. There were boxes everywhere, which I assumed were from last year’s teacher. I decided to set up my bulletin board. There was so much to do and I never set one up before. It took me six hours to set up my room, and then after that , it still wasn’t complete . I did have to stop a few times because we had several meetings with the Assistant Principal, Ms. Crowe. She seemed nice, but stern and reminded everyone to be strict. She also warned us not to crack a smile. I could not believe that we couldn’t smile. What did I get myself into? I really did not know what to think of her. I noticed Mr. King attended most of the meetings that I did and realized he must be an eighth grade teacher as well. As I sat during each meeting, I could not wait for either the principal or dean to shut up as I had so much more work to do in setting up my classroom.

I did not leave school until 7:30 that night . When I arrived home, I told Billy all about my first day, including how everyone seemed to give me a look when I told them that I was teaching 814. Billy advised me not to read into anything. After all, I hadn’t even met my students yet.

I had one more day of orientation that seemed to go quite fast. It was one meeting after another. I hardly had anytime to spend in my classroom and see what else had to be done. The weekend also sped by. Labor Day seemed to be sad and painful. I had jitters all day because I knew I would meet my students the next day and that it could be great or awful. I told myself to get all the negative thoughts out of my head and that I must enter the school with great expectations. Billy held me all night long. He was like my teddy bear comforting me, as he knew I was nervous. The next thing I knew, the alarm rang. My battle would soon begin.